Many the Miles

"The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden." 

 

It's been 42 days since I've seen the mountains.
Inhaled that wonderful humidity-free air.
Since I've felt that glorious Colorado sunshine, warming me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.
Since I left the life I built for myself the past four years.
Since I left those who help me make sense of this world, those who keep me grounded, those who understand my point of view, those who share my enthusiasm for life, for the everyday.

Talking to an old friend really does show you how much you've changed. I find myself feeling a little unsure, a little uncomfortable around some of the people who have been in my life for as long as I can remember. The people who know my history, my family, my most sensitive insecurities...It's not that I'm unhappy with who I've become or anything like that, but it's that I'm finally starting to realize how much I have changed over the years and how they have not.

Trying to recapture the love that once was in a friendship makes for a very bumpy road, to say the least. Even admitting that things have changed with a beloved old friend proves to be pretty dang difficult for me, as I tend to pride myself on my ability to maintain friendships despite distance. I've done a pretty good job of it over the years, keeping up with all of my childhood friends below the Mason-Dixon line, while simultaneously cultivating new friendships out at school in CO. Right now it seems that those are the ones that are salient to this older version of myself, which makes for pretty heart wrenching moments throughout the day.

10 more days. 10 more days and I get to see one of those very special individuals who, surprisingly, helps make me, me.